Female Empowerment

As I continue to work on my next book, which is an open letter to all the young women who are in need of some guidance, I was asked to do a piece on women helping women; in short female empowerment. As an educator, I find this to be essential; as a mother of a young daughter, it is a personal passion of mine. Self-esteem or lack thereof is often at the crux of the inhibition of one’s empowerment. What weighs heavy on my mind is the image of women; “the perception becomes reality process” that many young women go through. Many young women, though they are not responsible for the media image which widely portrays how they are “supposed to be”, fall victim a damaging attempt to live up to a unrealistic image they did not create, nor can they seem to escape the expectation of its manifestation.

Many of you may not consider this, but a hot topic on high school hallways is the style of dance young people have adopted as their own. In short, I call it the “booty dance”. For anyone distant from this community, in short, our young sisters, of all ethnicities, have tossed away traditional stance of facing one’s partner for the raw and raunchy “free lap dance”. Yes ladies and gentlemen, your lovely teen daughter, sister, or niece has become so enamored with the “video vixen” image they have been inundated with via all of those music videos they have been allowed to watch, that they are attempting to live out that fantasy image on the school dance floors across America. One day when your sweet, lovely teen is sent to a school dance or friend's party, you should walk in while the party is in mid-swing; I promise you, you will get an eye full of beautiful girls face down-butt-up “Luke-Girl” type dancing. Oh and don’t think that if it is prom season the behavior will be more dignified because of the gowns and tuxedos. It is not uncommon for young ladies to hike up the gown and keep it moving.

I have broached the subject with students, from various regions since 2001. From Jersey City, New Jersey, to Raleigh, North Carolina, the responses are all the same “we don’t know any better” or “my mom dances this way”. Yes I said it! They are ratting you out mom! I recently closed on debates with a group of students from the class of 2010, and one group was brave enough to develop a resolution based on “dirty dancing”. I am proud of them for working diligently to defend their position, but I will always remain firm on my belief, yes dirty dancing is a form of expression and it is a freedom afforded by all, but bringing it to the school arena is wrong, dead wrong. The same student that will turn her nose up and look down on the stripper heading out to earn her money nightly, will give it away to every Tom, Dick, and Hakeem on the dance floor, for free. Where have we gone wrong?
I recently watched an interview with a particular hip hop producer who was called to the carpet about the images he elects to portray for his artists. His rationale was one that did make sense, he said he was providing entertainment for all of the hard working regular folks who seek to be enticed and entertained after a hard day’s work, fair enough. Then the interviewer turned the tables on him. She asked if he would put his daughter in one of those video vixen roles. At first he said yes, then when asked if he would allow for champagne to be poured atop her bikini clad body for the sake of entertainment, his response was an emphatic “No!”

Instead of finger pointing, I elect to take my finger and point it forward towards what can we do. Since it takes a village to raise a child, we all can do our part in aiding our young women. A plan needs to be put in place where the we teach young people that though there is an image that has been created for them, they do not have to live up to that particular stereotype. What they see in music videos is conjured up by male executives who are the key players of that game; they have carefully crafted and designed these images to cater to the male fantasy and nothing more. The debate will continue and drag on the same way that folks question why Stepin Fetchit took the roles he did, sans concern for the damaging ramifications of the ugly images he helped perpetuate. The same reason why he did is why these young ladies vie for the coveted video vixen role, the almighty dollar; after all, he was the first black actor to become a millionaire.

Brothers and sisters, please consider the images you expose your children to. Recognize that you are your child’s first teacher. If you hold that role in high esteem then it will transfer to your child. I was raised with a plaque hanging in my bedroom, the verse on it was entitled “Children Learn What they Live”. I read it daily as I got dressed in the morning. I am grateful to and honor my parents for recognizing their role as my first teacher. They provided a solid model that was pretty simple I have encapsulated it in these few points below:
▪ Always concern yourself with obtaining as much education as you can, for no one can ever take your degrees from you
▪ It’s nice to be important but it is important to be nice
▪ Who cares one thinks you are attractive? It is far better to be thought of as smart and kind

Folks, please encourage your young ladies that they must carry themselves with some form of dignity. There is an urgency to reach down in the hearts and minds of young girls everywhere and force them to see the value in their ability, talents, and education versus placing so much value in how they look and how mean they can be to someone else. It is far more important to concern themselves with civic and personal responsibility rather than trying to behave like a cheap imitation of what a record label executive thinks a woman should be.

Niki Kendall is an educator and author of the adult fiction page turner Makin' Happy. For  more information or to purchase Makin' Happy click here:
http://www.authorhouse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000255287