Making the Ordinary Beautiful

As I age, I have discovered an affinity for all things girly and pretty probably because I spent so much time rejecting this stuff when I was younger.  I am now hooked on my newest crafting venture, glitterizing wine glasses (and anything else I can find)....thank you http://inspiredesignandcreate.com 

for the awesome inspiration!

Finished Product

 

Items needed...

 Be careful, working with glitter is addictive, I started searching the house for other items....

Getting Crafty for my Bonus Daughter's Wedding!

So I found this awesome idea on Pinterest and they came out so good, I had to share!  I bought the Dollar Store Vases and Candles from there as well.  Tip make sure you line the bottom with salt to collect the dripping wax for easy clean up!

Rubber Bands and Dollar Store Vases

 Assemble the rubber bands

Spray paint vases and let dry for an hour.  When removing the rubber bands, do so while vase is inserted in a garbage bags, there will be paint dust flying!

Add some salt at the base (to collect wax drips) and a Dollar Store Candle and Voila! A beautiful frosted glass candle holder, that looks like it cost way more than a few bucks! I made 25 and my bonus daughter will be lining the isle with them and I will use them to decorate for the rehearsal dinner! All for less than $65!

A Mediation on Fatherhood

This is a subject I have tried not to touch for numerous reasons; first of all, I am not a man so I can only speak on it from an objective point of view. I do have a father, a damn fantastic one I might add, however, speaking on my personal experiences without bashing those involved has been challenge. With the passing of the holiday we call Father’s Day, my then thirteen year-old daughter posted an intriguing status, and it has forced me to knuckle down and say what I have to say on the subject. On June 21, 2010, her Facebook status post read: “Some men who are fathers don't deserve the title, let alone the holiday. For some, the title of ‘Contributor to Creation’ will do just fine.”

I have a spectacular daughter whom sadly has quite a unique dichotomy of issues. On one hand she hears stories of her father; he is quite a brilliant musician, cook, and productive member of society, as he works in education. On the other hand, he is among the growing ranks of men who feel because they provide the bare minimum of child support, other connection builders such as visitations, holidays, birthdays, phone calls, and anything bearing a resemblance to a relationship is deemed unnecessary. When she was younger, I would jokingly say to my friends that it would be easier to comfort her if he had died, rather than try to explain to a child why her father wants nothing to do with her. Assuaging the fears of the mourning would be effortless compared to attempting to explain the gut wrenching choice of a man that is not addicted to a substance, not physically or mentally ill, just simply electing not to be in his child’s life. 

There was a time when women I know would fear having a deep connection to a particular type of man, for example a thug type, one who solves his problems in the street, slinging rock for a living, or the type who is on an endless paper chase, too busy with his own career aspirations to prioritize relationships. One would never suspect that a multiple advanced degree holding, educator would essentially abandon his own child all the while, serve as a teacher in a community where abandoned children are the norm. Sadly this has become an epidemic. I am baffled by the endless calls to action put out by radio personalities, as well as our very own president; they are all asking the same, for men to be men and be parents to their children. 

Why must this be the case? In all of my years, I have never heard a call for mothers to rise to their responsibilities. I never hear of national initiatives by politicians and sororities and fraternities to mentor young women because their mother’s are not doing right. I have even coordinated such events, only to find myself asking “what about the girls?” As an educator, I have witnessed plenty of young girls in need of guidance, but it seems that those coming from an environment that is lacking in support, the numbers show that girls deem successful in spite of the lack of parenting. The only thing I can chalk it up to is we love our sons and raise our daughters; this has been the adage in the black community for quite some time. Unfortunately, as an educator and in my own family I have witnessed my fair share of boys being given a pass and allowed to do whatever they want while girls are held to a different standard. 

Who can we point the finger to? I am all about realizing that four fingers are pointed in my direction as I point elsewhere. I do not have a male child, so I personally cannot admit to contributing to the adage. I am however the female child of parents who also raised two men with paths very different from mine. One struggles to keep his family moving, as he has three kids of his own but I feel safe in saying he regrets not acquiring a formal education beyond high school, he makes me proud in his parenting commitment, but I worry for him, as I know how hard his struggle is as a young black man with limited education and mouths to feed. The other brother? His path has been so wrong where I often question if he is in fact part of my family. 

So how could the same parents raise three children and they all turn out so differently? I feel safe in saying that of the three of us, I was saddled down with the most responsibility. I was expected to rise to the standards set for me, and even though I admit I have absolutely disappointed my folks on my journey with some of my choices, I am the one child who was raised, where as my brothers perhaps scored more on the love front. I was the one who took on such responsibilities as cooking for the family and cleaning. I remember days when I was not allowed to leave the house until particular chores were done, but I recall watching my father grow so frustrated when one of my brothers did not perform a chore to task, they were promptly dismissed as he completed it for them. I had a healthy fear of my parents and would pretty much do whatever they asked, but my brothers seemed to be preoccupied with new and exciting ways to piss them off. I was the child who before doing something foolish or embarrassing, reflected upon how my actions would affect my parents. 

I had a co-worker, who upon separation from his wife avoided taking his kids. I asked him why, and he bemoaned that on a teacher’s salary, he could not afford the usual trips to amusement parks and meals out now that he was paying rent in a new place. I suggested a picnic in the park with homemade sandwiches. He turned his nose up to that, as if he was in some sort of financial competition with his ex to impress his kids. What a shame that he would succumb to such a mindset, after all, (insert sarcasm here) don’t we raise our kids not to be materialistic? Ultimately all kids want is you and your time. Yes nice things are fun to have, but parents are essential. If it’s “all about things” with them, then that’s your fault and some deprogramming needs to take place. I plea to parents out there, please give your sons and daughters equal responsibilities and see to it they are carried out. A special plea to the fathers out there, who are not doing right by their children, please pick up the phone and connect with your children. Technology has made vast strides to help with making communication easier, but nothing beats a face to face talk. Lastly, parents, teach your children that quality time far outweighs material things. 

Niki Kendall is an educator and author of the adult fiction page turner Makin' Happy. For more info, visit http://www.facebook.com/pages/Niki-Kendall/57641807939

Etiquette

While typically I comment on relationships, there has been an issue brewing for some time now that I just cannot allow to fester any longer. According to Merriam-Webster, etiquette is defined as “the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life”. I was raised to have a heightened sensitivity to the observance of such appropriate conduct and I have found myself bewildered by the lack of adherence and understanding to such protocol by everyone, including friends and family. 

I am a newlywed, and I have an issue burning my arse since the day I said “I Do”. The mortification I suffered as my husband and I poured through the list of friends and family, all on my side sadly, that arrived to our wedding, brought family members, dates, and friends, ate and drank into the evening, had the audacity to leave without so much as a card given to us. For clarity purposes, allow me to state that this is my first “real” wedding, as my first try was an elopement in Reno, so I never had the displeasure of dealing with such an issue. So we are not speaking of folks who attended the first wedding and contributed in some way. I have always heard horror stories from friends and sorority sisters about this and now it was my turn. Since I am an educator, I suppose this will be preachy, yet I hope that folks will read and learn about the appropriateness of etiquette when dealing with weddings, hostess parties, and restaurants. 

Sadly I am airing my own dirty laundry because many of the folks who fall into this category are members and guests of my own immediate family. I suppose the feeling that their mere presence was gift enough, sigh, I love them dearly but I am still left bewildered that through financial struggles, they still managed to not even see the importance of sitting down, putting pen to paper and write a simple letter, which would cost nothing but the gift of time, apparently even that is wicked expensive these days. So here is lesson number one, if you are ever invited to attend a wedding and you cannot afford a gift, do not go. The exception to this would be if your presence requires expensive travel, that is when your presence is a gift, but when you live around the corner, it is a slap in the face. If you feel that your presence is necessary, then scrape together your few dollars, and purchase a card, or make one for free and share with the happy couple that your finance struggles were tough, but you felt it was important to inform them of your situation, at least that shows some thought. While old fashioned etiquette states that you have six months beyond the marriage to provide a gift, I strongly suggest that a token is delivered to the couple by their return of their honeymoon. Even writing a heartfelt letter or making a gift would be appreciated. 

Hostess parties are really in need for a call for etiquette. This definitely hits home for me because I had two of my own businesses that called for in home parties. I feel that every consultant wants to say what I am about to share; if you attend a hostess party, it is the expectation that you support the hostess by making at least one simple purchase. I have seen people attend hostess parties, consume, food, wine, play with gadgets, enjoy themselves tremendously, then simply leave. That is just poor etiquette. If you can not afford to purchase one item being offered, then you probably should not attend the hostess party. Even if money is tight, offer your home to hostess a party, it will cost you little to nothing, yet you will be helping the consultant, and the hostess tremendously. 

While I hate to bring up such a wound within the black community, I feel that I must. I have worked in the restaurant industry and even till this day, the stereotype remains, “Black folks don’t tip well”. While I know many of us cringe, some of us even work hard to offset that awful stereotype, there are some of us that make sure it remains alive and well. With wallet sized tip cards and mobile phone applications, it seems that some of us just are not getting it. 

When dining out, etiquette calls for a 15% tip for standard service, 20% or more for excellent, well above standard service. If the service is sub par, it is important to share that with the server or the manager of the establishment. When I was young I had a huge pet peeve. I hate hearing about what someone is going to do. I had a boyfriend who fed into this and was the reason for me recognizing this peeve, perhaps that is why he is an old boyfriend. He would always say “I was going to get you some flowers but, *insert excuse here*” That would just burn my arse. Now years later, I still have a friend who attended my wedding months ago, still talking about the gift we have yet to receive. Bottom line, if you show up send a gift, it does not assuage the frustration of the bride and groom to hear about the phantom gift. It is definitely better left unsaid, and when you have it produce it. That is all, class dismissed. 

Niki Kendall is an educator and author of the adult fiction page turner Makin' Happy. For more info, visit http://www.facebook.com/pages/Niki-Kendall/ 57641807939